Navigating relationships

Raising a child with autism is both rewarding and challenging. Nurturing positive family relationships is important for creating a supportive home environment. 

These relationships provide essential stability and confidence for autistic children, helping them and the entire family navigate daily life and its challenges. For families with autistic children, these relationships are particularly important as they can significantly impact the child’s development and emotional wellbeing.

Building strong family relationships

Building strong family relationships has several benefits. A stable family environment gives children the confidence to try new things by making them feel secure. It also helps the family handle problems and disagreements respectfully. Regular positive interactions within the family teach children important skills for managing relationships outside the home. Being part of a supportive family makes everyday life more enjoyable for all family members. Here are some tips on how to help build these relationships:

• ‍Family engagement: Regular opportunities to engage as a family are essential. This includes activities everyone enjoys and can participate in. Choose simple, quick options to ensure you can spend time together regularly.‍
• Focusing on your family strengths: Recognising and focusing on what your family does best can help everyone feel more connected and like they're part of a team.‍
• Building resilience: Developing resilience helps the family navigate challenges together. This includes staying connected and supporting each other through tough times.‍
• Practising self-care: Managing your own wellbeing is important to maintaining your ability to support others and sets a good example to your family members. ‍
• Open communication: Encourage an environment where everyone can talk openly. Handle conflicts calmly and work together to find solutions.‍
• Consistent routines: Establish daily routines that provide predictability and reduce stress, which is especially beneficial for autistic children. Where routines need to be changed, help your child by preparing them as early as possible. 

Understanding the role of friendships

Friendships are incredibly important for the growth and development of children and teenagers. They are fundamental for developing social and emotional skills, helping young people learn how to manage their emotions, understand and respond to others' feelings, and develop crucial communication skills. As children transition into teenagers, the importance of these relationships increases, with a bigger focus on spending time with friends rather than family members.

The benefits of friendships

Friendships are important because they help children develop social and emotional skills and are a big source of happiness and comfort. Being good at making and keeping friends can help boost a child’s self-esteem and confidence, and it helps them get along better with others. This sense of belonging with their friends can make a big difference in their mental health and how well they do in school. But if children don't have friends or feel left out, it can lead to stress, worry, and loneliness, which impact their overall happiness and life quality.

Challenges and strategies for autistic children

Due to social differences, autistic children often face barriers in forming and maintaining friendships. Unlike their neurotypical peers, autistic children might struggle with interpreting facial expressions, engaging in group activities, or adjusting to new social settings. However, they can develop meaningful friendships and experience peer acceptance with the appropriate support and strategies.

Important skills for autistic children

Developing friendships involves a range of social skills that autistic children and teenagers might need support with:

• Conversation skills: Learning to start, maintain, and finish conversations is essential. This includes asking questions, listening to others, and knowing when it’s their turn to speak.
• Understanding others: It’s important to help them grasp what others think and feel. This might involve explaining the emotions behind people’s words or actions.
• Joining activities: Participating in group activities can be tricky. They might need to practice things like taking turns, sharing, or working together on a project.
• Interpreting body language: Understanding facial expressions and body movements can help in reading social cues, which is helpful in knowing how to react in social situations.
• Adjusting to social settings: Each new social setting has its own rules. Preparing them for what to expect and how to act in different situations (like parties or new clubs) can reduce stress.
• Handling disagreements: It’s helpful to teach strategies for resolving conflicts, such as discussing problems calmly, finding compromises, or asking for help when needed.

Practical ways to support making friends

Here are some ways to help autistic children and teenagers build and keep friendships:

• Finding similar interests: Making friends is often easier when they meet others with similar interests. Encouraging them to join clubs or activities they enjoy can connect them with like-minded peers.
• Organise social opportunities: Give your child chances to meet and spend time with other children. This could be arranging playdates, joining group activities, or visiting community events.
• Home as a safe space: If your child feels more comfortable at home, use it as a venue to host friends. If there are things they’re sensitive about sharing, store these away during visits or plan activities outside the home, like going to a park or visiting a museum.
• Plan fun activities: Choose enjoyable and engaging activities for your child and potential friends. Activities should cater to their age and interests, like crafting or building for younger children or sports and video games for teenagers.
• Educate peers and others: Helping classmates and other peers understand autism can make social interactions smoother. Simple explanations about what autism might mean for your child can encourage understanding and patience.
• Encourage self-advocacy: Teaching your child to choose who they want to spend time with and voice their preferences can build independence and confidence in social situations.
• Focus on quality over quantity: It’s not important how many friends a person has; the quality of the friendship is what matters. Even one close friend can significantly improve a child's social development and wellbeing.

Dating and intimacy for autistic teens

Talking about dating and intimacy with teenagers can be challenging for any parent, but when your teenager has autism, it can be even more complex. It’s essential to approach these conversations with clear and practical information, ensuring your teen understands and feels prepared for this part of their social life.

Let’s explore how you can navigate these discussions effectively.

Start the conversation

Don’t wait for your teen to bring up dating. Choose a relaxed time to express your openness to discussing dating and intimacy. This sets the stage for open discussions when they feel ready.

Safety and consent

It’s crucial to address safe sex and consent early on, especially if your teen might already be exploring these aspects of relationships. Ensure they understand the importance of consent, mutual respect, and the practicalities of contraception and sexual health.

Understanding maturity differences

Your teen’s social maturity might not align with their physical development. Often, teens with autism may feel ready for relationships in a physical sense before fully grasping the social nuances of dating. It’s important to remind them, and yourself, that this is quite common and doesn’t prevent them from forming meaningful relationships.

Interpreting social cues

One of the most challenging aspects of dating is interpreting the subtle social cues involved in flirting and expressing interest. For someone with autism, these cues can be even harder to understand, potentially leading to misunderstandings. Discussing these cues explicitly is beneficial, perhaps even practising in a comfortable home setting where mistakes can be made and learned from.

Choosing someone to date

Encourage your teen to consider what qualities are important in a partner. This discussion might also include whether or not they want to share that they are on the autism spectrum. There’s no right or wrong answer here, but it’s a decision that can impact how comfortable and understood they feel in a relationship.

Practical dating advice

• Role playing: Practice dating scenarios at home to help your teen express interest and respond to others in social situations.
• Dealing with rejection: It’s important to talk about rejection since everyone experiences it at some point. Help them understand that rejection doesn’t reflect their worth or desirability.
• Planning and having a date: Discuss the practical steps of organising a date, such as choosing the right time to ask someone out, planning an activity they both would enjoy, and understanding logistics like transportation and costs.
• Understanding intimacy: Talk about the different levels of intimacy, from holding hands to more committed relationships, and make sure your teen knows they can take things at their own pace.
• Preparation: Help your teen prepare for a date by discussing appropriate outfits, what to expect during the outing, and how to handle money or who might be expected to pay.

Keep your discussions factual and straightforward, and reassure them that you’re there to help with any questions along the way. With your support, dating can become a less intimidating and more manageable part of their social development.